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Cycle of Violence
Power and Control Wheel
Healthy Relationships vs Non Healthy Relationships
What to do if you are in an abusive relationship
Do you know someone who is in an abusive relationship?
Domestic Violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used to establish power and control over an intimate partner often leading to the threat or use of violence. Abuse is any controlling, hurtful act, work, or gesture that injures anotherís body or emotions.
TYPES OF ABUSE
Emotional, Psychological, Mental Abuse:
Accuse you of having an affair
Keeps you from family and friends
Takes or destroys important papers
Youíre stupid, fat, ugly, etc.
You canít do anything right
Youíre an unfit parent
Who would want you
Hit, slap, pinch, strangle, kick
Threaten to hurt you
Throw objects at you
Force you to have sex-Rape
Force you into unwanted sexual practice
Criticize your sexual performance
Withhold sex and affection as a tool to manipulate your behavior
POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL
JEKYLL/HYDE: Extremely charming, caring and sensitive individuals on the surface. Abusers often do not display their abusive behaviors for months or years into their relationships and not at all in other areas of their lives.
JEALOUSY: Abusers use jealousy, masked with "It's because I love you/am afraid of losing you" to control their partner's activities, isolating them from their support systems. (Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions)
INTIMIDATION: Abusers eventually show their volatile temper, throwing and breaking things when angry. They persuade victims to rationalize and forgive by apologizing profusely, making excuses for their behavior ("I was drunk"), and promising it was the last time. (abusing pets, displaying weapons, making her afraid by using looks, actions, and gestures)
EMOTIONAL ABUSE/BLAMING: Victims are constantly blamed for their partner's anger, are put down and are made to feel worthless. Victims believe they don't deserve any better and become trapped by a destroyed self-esteem. (calling her names, making her think she's crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, making her feel guilty)
ECONOMIC ABUSE: Abusers often control the money, make all household decisions, and don't allow their partners to work. Male abusers can do this easily by using stereotypical sex roles to justify their privilege. (Preventing her from getting or keeping a job, making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money, not letting her know about or have access to family income)
THREATS/USING CHILDREN: Abusers often threaten to hurt/kill their partner, commit suicide, or take the children if they attempt to leave. (making her drop charges, making her do illegal things, using the children to relay messages, using visitation to harass her, making her feel guilty about the children.
HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS VS. UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
In order to understand relationships it is important to be able to identify characteristics of healthy relationships and unhealthy relationships.
Nothing in common
WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
10 things to do if you are in an abusive relationship:
When violence occurs, if you are threatened or afraid, call 911.
Take your children and go to a safe place.
Go to the Emergency Room if injured.
Call DVACK 24 hours a day at 785-827-5862 or 1-800-874-1499.
If leaving home, take important documents: birth certificates, bank information, car & insurance documents; social security cards; picture I.D.
Try to set aside extra cash in a safe place.
Hide an extra set of car and house keys outside or at a neighbor's house.
Pack a set of clothes and shoes for you or your children and store with a friend, neighbor or church.
Obtain a Protection From Abuse order.
Know that you are not alone and confidential help is available.
Do you know someone who is in an abusive relationship?
Talk in a safe place
Express your concern for the person's safety
Don't underestimate the danger
Take the time to listen, and believe what you hear
Don't expect change over night (be patient and continue to offer support)
Don't criticize or judge your friend's decisions
Encourage the person to make her own choices, but urge her to talk to someone who knows about abusive relationships
Let the person know that many other people are in an abusive situations
Contact DVACK at 785-827-5862 or 1-800-874-1499
*Statistics provided by KBI in 2004*
One Domestic Violence murder occurred every 14.6 days
One Domestic Violence incident occurred every 28 minutes, 34 seconds.
Law Enforcement made one Domestic Violence arrest every 53 minutes, 47 seconds.
Around the world, at least one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime (1999 Ending Violence Against Women).
On average, more than three women are murdered by their husband or boyfriend in this country every day (2003 Intimate Partner Violence).
Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States (1992 Violence Against Women, A Majority Staff Report).
Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner (2001 Journal of the American Medical Association).
PO Box 1854 | Salina, KS67402-1854 | (785) 827-5862 or (800) 874-1499 | fax: (785) 827-2410